There is a deep and sorrowful reality that child abuse is prominently present even within Christian communities. Less so, perhaps, then non-Christian homes. But the fact is that there are hypocrites in every category of God's commandments, including (and almost even especially) in the treatment and relationship parents hold with their children. Raising children is possibly the easiest job at which to screw up.
Proverbs 22:6 reads "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not part from it." Its no question to us that it is a parents responsibility to raise their children. Of course, some don't even bother or have even been unable to due to other irresponsibly they lacked to uphold. And still, by miracle, there are children who come out of troubling homes and meet Christ. An outstandingly important part of raising your children is teaching them by example. But also, it is important to build a relationship with your child so that they want to follow you. For example, a child who sees their drug addict parent destroy his own life as well and sever the bonds of their relationship is less likely to follow in their careless father's footsteps.
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the lord."
Ephesians 6:4
Being a Christian child in a home where commandments of Christianity are not prevalent is extremely difficult.
Most people know of the ten commandments, especially children. Very often, even in non-Christian homes, children are expected to keep one in particular.Exodus 20:12 is a direct command to children, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Something I thought on for years while dealing with my own father was how to establish a balance of respect. When I was young, I didn't need respect, I needed love. However, in my teen years I was becoming more independent and adult-like. I then needed respect in return. It worked out that my father wasn't the kind that I should follow in the footsteps of, like a Proverbs 22:6 dad should be. In fact, he derived much joy from making me angry. He was condescending, hurtful, and in a kind of lingering foul temper. He provoked me over and over, every single day. Being a strong willed gal, I was not only grieved by his behavior towards me, but I found myself loathing his vary existence. How could I, a saved young woman of God, respect a man of such despicable behavior? Faster than anything, does bitterness grow in the heart.
At first, I thought that just holding my head up high and sticking it out was the most important part of dealing with my father. Respect was out the window. But it taunted me when I reread Exodus 20 only to find no list of exceptions to God's commandment. So how did the God of the universe expect me, His servant, to respect a man of no respect himself?
I find that sometimes respect isn't always as we first assume. I couldn't earn his respect. It certainly isn't my job to raise him, nor could I if I tried. I wasn't getting anywhere. I couldn't teach him or just ask him to do better. In fact, if i did, it provoked him even further. That's when I realized something huge. With my particular father, "respect" looked like avoiding conflict. Though, I wasn't the instigator of our conflict, I could certainly help avoid it by eliminating the part of me that provoked him into it. Parents who do not understand their bounds and responsibly of raising a teenager can not be taught by their teenagers. Only God can mend their hearts. This does not excuse the teenagers of keeping the commandment that is directed towards them in Exodus. In fact, it just means they are commanded to give the hardest kind of respect to give. This kind of respect involves creating peace at all costs.
Sometimes, it could be submitting graciously to outrageously controlling parents by respecting their wishes without rebelling or overly complaining. Sometimes its creating a distance from a parent who sins against you regularly. When these disrespectful parents aren't doing their jobs, its the Christian teen's job to act as the adult. Seek council, dive into the scriptures, and do the right thing (not to mention, the hardest thing.) For me, I had to keep my distance as much as possible. To this day I still do. Can my father provoke me to anger? No. Do I find it easier to respect him when he's not around to disrespect me? Yes.
